3 Ways To Use Questions As A Negotiating Tool

In any kind of negotiation, your ability to ask the right questions—and ask them in the right way—determines the vision created that drives the decision your adversary will make. Who asks the questions determines who's in control of the dialogue, how your adversary feels about you, and what kind of critical vision you can create to land the deal-making advantage. Here are three questioning principles that will serve you well.

#1 - Always create vision with questions by starting questions with an interrogative—who, what, when, where, why, how, and which.
Interrogative-led questions are the key means of discovery. Never ask a question that can be answered with "yes," "no," or "maybe." When this happens, you lose control; advantage goes to your opponent. Here are some examples:

• Wrong: Is this the biggest issue we face? Right: What is the biggest issue we face?
• Wrong: Do you think we should bring Mary into the loop? Right: Where does Mary fit into this?
• Wrong: Does it fit into your needs? Right: How does it fit?

#2 - Take every opportunity to nurture your adversary—with your delivery and your phrasing—as you ask questions.
Nurturing must not be confused with being easy and soft. Rather, it's a human effort at communicating through behavior that brings down barriers. It allows open exchange of information that gives you access to their vision and concerns.

• Not nurturing: Adversary: What will this option do for me?
  You: Well, what's your biggest challenge at the moment? (too aggressive)
• Nurturing: Adversary: What will this option do for me?
  You: That's a good question, Sam. Before we get into that, what is the biggest challenge you face? (more respectful; puts Sam at ease)

#3 - Answer questions with a question, even if you think you already know the answer.
This is called a "reverse." A reverse assures that you're dealing with the real question for you, thereby allowing you to gather more insight and information for your side, giving the other side a chance to provide you with clarification.

• Reverse: Adversary: How much does it cost? You: Well, that depends on a number of different facets of control. What areas require control?